Guys, Obsessing Over Being ‘Alpha’ Is The Most ‘Beta’ Thing You Can Do
I’m a flawed human being. I can be stubborn and insecure and a perfectionist. I have a skin condition that leaves me with rashes all over my body that never go away, and I’m an open wound with feelings that uncontrollably spill out of me no matter how hard I try to bottle them up.
Despite how objectively uncool these things probably are, I think theymake me interesting. In fact, I think flaws in general make people interesting, and I think anyone who pretends they don’thaveflawsis very f*cking boring.
But this whole “alpha” and “beta” rhetoricis trying to convince menotherwise.
I have a brother and tons ofmale friends, so I know a good amountabout the beta male and how you guys are supposed to avoid being him AT ALL COSTS. However,I wanted to see for myself how the culture is telling you to behave, so I did a quick Google search of “beta male.” And, wow.
I founddozens of websites written by ALPHA MALESwho try to tell guys how to be more ALPHAin order to GET GIRLS.On one website called Alpha Male Lifestyle,somedudedecided that beta male qualities like “is afraid to take risks,” “seeks approval,” “lacks confidence,” “avoids confrontation,” “gets jealous easily,” “tries to be a perfectionist,” and “is sensitive to criticism” are not OK for men to have if they want to be appealing towomen.
Well, um, all right. That really sucks. If you’re, like, a human and stuff.
Let me back up. There’s nothing more unattractiveto me than a so-called “alphamale”who has his sh*t together all the time. Wait, let me rephrase that: There is nothing more unattractive to me than a so-called “alpha male” who APPEARS as though he has his sh*t together all the time. Because nobodyactually has theirsh*t together all the time. We’re all humans, and part of being a human means that you have fears andinsecurities and self-doubt, and you “seek approval” andyou“try to be a perfectionist”andyou’re “sensitive to criticism,” which means you do not have your sh*t together all the time. Any alpha males who say otherwiseare lying.
Please, please, pleasestop fallingfor the idea that women want thehypermasculine, hyper-confident, inhumane, unemotional alpha male.Ionly want that guy for the amount oftime it takes to maintainwitty banter about surface-level, irrelevant bullsh*t. And thenI’m going to get really bored of that, andI’m going to tryto look forsomething interesting about him. Like, washe a fatloser in high school? Is there something about himthat nobody can ever make fun of because it’ll hit himthat deeply? Does helive in perpetualfear that heisunlovable? Does hebottle up hisfeelings when he’s upset until they explode in fits of anger? Does irrational jealousy ever get the best of him? DOES HE HAVE FLAWS?
Because I do. I sure as hellhave flaws. And the alpha male pretends he doesn’thave flaws, which disturbs me, a humanwith flaws. The alpha malefears humanityin himself and in others SO MUCH that he will not only reject the existence of his own humanity, but he will make me feel awful about MY humanity.
Do you know how many times I’ve wondered if a guy likesme for who I actually am, or for my tits and ass? Aguy I once believedloved me thought I wasignorant and immature and cringedwhen he read my writing, yet keptme around for three yearsanyway, probably because we had greatsex and hisfriends thought I was hot. I’ve been made to feel like a crazy bitch for displaying literally any semblance of feeling, and I’ve witnessed countless men make countless other women feel the same.
Try being a woman and navigating your own existence and asserting your authority as a person without someone telling you to shut up. It’s exhausting.
But anyway, that’s what alpha males do. They accepthumanity in neither themselves nor in those around them, sothey view womenas silent, pretty vessels into which penises enter, and who’d better not have the audacityto haveopinions or emotions or display an ounce of imperfection.
So if you want to contribute to the silencing of women,be a piece-of-sh*talpha male. But in the end, you will lose. Because alpha males who pretend they aren’t humansmakeME feel bad forbeing a human, and I don’t want to spend time with someone in front of whom I can’t displaymy imperfections. I mean, shit. What womanwants to be witha guy who makesher feel THATmuch pressureall the time?
I don’t want a guy who I’m scared is going to judge me for my skin condition or who will thinkI’m crazy if I feelinsecure or obsessive about my work. I want a guy who understands whereI’m coming from because hehas a hairlinehe’s self-conscious about and he has lashed out because ofirrational jealousy before and puts unrealistic, perfectionist pressures on himselfathis job,so he gets it.
It sounds insane, but women really, truly want to be with human being. Yeah, I know. Take a second. Let thatsink in.
The bestpart about all of this is that, deep down, thealpha male “getsit,” too. He has also dealt with thetypes of insecurities that I’m talking about. Underneath his false display ofconfidence and his seemingly impenetrable exterior, he is actually a BETA MALE. Because all a beta male is is a HUMAN with FLAWS.
The real alpha males are theones who are not afraidto embrace theirflaws. Because I love yourflaws, and I know there are tons of otherwomen who feel the same. I love the part of you that is afraid to take risks, seeks approval, lacks confidence, avoids confrontation, gets jealous easily, tries to be a perfectionist and is sensitive to criticism, because it’s thepart of you that gives MEpermission to also bethose things. It’s the part of you that reminds me that you’re a real, complex person, so I’m allowed to be one with you, too.
If you’re going to obsess over something, obsess over trying to be real. Not the empty shellof a man you think you’re supposed to be.